Be Still: Finding Freedom Beyond Society’s Expectations

Being a woman is not easy. Society has taught us - some lessons subliminal, others outright overt - that for a woman of color, acceptance means we have to act right. That includes looking the part and sounding the part. Anything a woman does, especially a Black woman, outside of society’s unspoken - and sometimes even enforced - rules can quickly disqualify her from being loved and accepted.

You can’t be too smart, yet don’t you dare be ignorant.

You can’t be too loud, but closed mouths don’t get fed - and the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

You can’t be too dark, but depending on what’s trending, “light-skin” may not be in.

Your hair can’t be too nappy, but too straight and you’ll be labeled a traitor.

You can’t come off sounding like a know-it-all unless, of course, you can solve all your friends’ issues.

You can’t be too aggressive, unless your assertiveness fits within society’s narrow, acceptable parameters.

With all these imposed ways of being - and the conclusions we ourselves have drawn about Black womanhood - it’s no wonder so many of us are still searching for our true identity. We look to our ancestors to define our ways of being and worship. We look to friends and family to validate and affirm us. We look for ourselves in books, on TV, and in the characters and images we see - hoping to find someone who reflects us.

But with so many competing voices rising up to define who we should be, we often overlook the still small voice that tells us who we truly are. How can we hear the Word of God in the loudest places? By stilling ourselves - and emptying ourselves of everything we think we know - so we can hear clearly from Him.

Early in my Christian walk, I thought holiness meant wearing doilies, pulling my hair back into a bun, and dressing in floor-length skirts. Yet, while my outward appearance looked the part, my heart was not surrendered to God. I was simply performing what I thought a Christian woman should be. Later, I went plain-faced, wore no makeup, and thought earrings were wrong - but again, my heart was not surrendered. 

I wore makeup to the club, short skirts to the club, pressed and curled my hair for the club - and then tried to reconcile my weekend persona with my Sunday demeanor. It wasn’t until I truly surrendered - stepping into the sanctuary of God with a sincere desire to learn His ways - that I began to change.

Surrender is not easy. It’s a day-by-day, moment-by-moment exchange of what we think we know and want for God’s truth and His best for us. Surrendering often means silencing those competing voices - the ones fighting for our love, attention, and validation - before they consume us like a fire.

Women of God, Daughters of the King, remember: where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. Embrace the freedom that is in Christ - to listen to His voice, and His voice alone.

Because whom the Son sets free is free indeed. 

In Christ, we are free from the world’s ideals and societal norms. Our kingdom is not of this world - we are pilgrims passing through, heirs of God’s promises, conduits of His power, and recipients of His provision.

So allow yourself to be still - long enough to listen to God’s still small voice - and let Him lead you into true Christian womanhood.