Sisters, Wake Up: Stop Settling for Less Than God’s Best

I’m trying to steer clear of a random rant, so forgive me if this post sounds a little different from my usual tone. My heart is heavy for my sisters, and I’m writing this from a place of love, not judgment.

In the past month, four different sisters have confided in me - each with different stories but a similar struggle. In one way or another, they all admitted to settling for less than God’s best. Though their circumstances varied, a common thread connected them: fear of being alone and the longing for physical intimacy.

God’s Design for Love and Physical Intimacy

Genesis 2:18, 24 (NIV) states, “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’ … That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

There is nothing wrong with desiring companionship or intimacy. God Himself said it wasn’t good for man to be alone. But He also placed boundaries around physical intimacy - not to restrict us, but to protect us.

Song of Solomon 8:4 (NIV) states, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” This verse serves as a warning not to stir up romantic or sexual desires before the right time—particularly outside of God's timing or His design for marriage.

Love is not a casual emotion; it’s powerful, consuming, and binding. When awakened too soon, it can lead to pain, heartbreak, and regret. Solomon is warning that while love is beautiful and sacred, it must be experienced in season - specifically within the safety of commitment and covenant, which is typically found in marriage. God designed physical intimacy to be a beautiful experience within the covenant of marriage. Outside of marriage, it can lead to heartache, confusion, and spiritual and soul ties.

Scripture is clear. 1 Corinthians 6:9–10 warns that “neither fornicators nor adulterers… nor homosexuals” will inherit the kingdom of God. Hebrews 13:4 reminds us that “marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure.” Also, Exodus 22:19 and Leviticus 18 list sexual practices that defile and destroy.

So again - there’s nothing wrong with desiring physical intimacy. What matters is how and when we seek it. God’s Word teaches that sex within marriage is honorable, but sex outside of it leads to spiritual bondage.

My Story: Learning Surrender Before Marriage

Before I met my husband, I wrestled with this truth. I had a strong desire for intimacy, and when I acted outside of marriage, I felt ashamed - as if I had disappointed God. I remember praying, “Father, You made me! You know my desires. Please send me a husband so I can stop sinning! Your Word says it’s better to marry than to burn.” (1 Corinthians 7:9)

But God didn’t send my husband right away. Instead, He began a deep work in me. Beneath that strong desire was something He needed to heal: self-gratification, lack of self-control, sensuality, and even subtle pride.

God was pruning me - not to punish me, but to prepare me. He was teaching me that marriage is not about satisfying lust but about mutual love, service, and surrender.

1 Corinthians 7:4–5 (NIV) states “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time…”

When I learned to surrender my will and my body to God first, He taught me what true love and partnership looked like.

The Pain of Settling

Now, back to the four women I mentioned earlier.

• One was in a same-sex relationship.
• One was involved with a man who was also with another woman that she knew about.
• One had just started a relationship that was moving too fast.
• One was with a man out of convenience.

Different stories, same root: lust and loneliness. Each was seeking a connection outside of God’s design. And they were each praying for God to bless what He never approved.

Sisters, please hear this in love: God cannot bless what He does not condone. Instead of praying, “Lord, fix this relationship,” our prayer should be, “Lord, free me from the root cause that makes me settle for less than Your best.”

That’s what surrender truly looks like

Why We Settle

Many women settle because of fear - fear of being alone, fear that no one else will want them, or fear that God is taking too long. Others are driven by a hunger for affection, believing physical intimacy will secure emotional love.

But as my mother used to say, “Why would a man buy the cow if he’s already getting the milk for free?”

Sometimes we think, “I’m going to throw this thang back on him real good, and I’ll make him mine!” But let’s be honest - there are plenty of women thinking the same way, and while each one is trying to “make him hers,” he’s the only one winning.

He gets attention, affection, and access - without accountability.

When that man disappears, many of us begin to spiral. We start crying, can't eat, and ask questions like: “What did I do wrong? Why wasn’t I good enough? Why did he waste my time?”

We sink into heartbreak and depression. And in our pain, we often turn our frustration toward God.

When We Blame God

When trials come, we say, “Why is God punishing me?” But the truth is, He’s not punishing us - He’s pursuing and pruning us. He’s trying to get our attention.

Hebrews 12:6 (NIV) states, “The Lord disciplines the one He loves, and He chastens everyone He accepts as His son.”

Many of us get angry with God when relationships fall apart, yet we never showed that same righteous anger toward the man who mistreated us. We didn’t tell that man to stop hurting us.

Let’s be real for a moment:

Did you ever say to that man you claimed to love - the one who used you like a rag, hung you out to dry like laundry, then folded you up and tucked you away while he flaunted his new ‘flex’ that didn’t include you - ‘Stop treating me like that?’

Probably not. But when God allows discomfort to surface, we accuse Him of being cruel.

The truth is, God is not trying to break your heart - He’s trying to heal it. He’s showing you the places where sin and insecurity have taken root so He can set you free.

He doesn’t want your pain - He wants your heart.

Finding Peace in Singleness

Before I met my husband, I reached a point where I made peace with being single. I thanked God for what I referred to as “the gift of singleness” and prayed that if marriage wasn’t part of His plan for me, He would fill my life with purpose. I even prayed, “Lord, make me like Mother Teresa if that’s Your will!” (Please don’t judge me, sisters—I meant it sincerely.)

It wasn’t just lip service. It was true surrender.

Psalm 37:4 (NIV) states: “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.”

Once I truly found fulfillment in God, He brought my husband into my life. I didn’t have to chase love - love found me when I rested in Him.

A Loving Call to My Sisters

So, sisters - wake up.

Reclaim your purity. Ask God for the strength to abstain from everything His Word warns against. Don’t trade temporary pleasure for lifelong pain.

God’s best is worth waiting for. His timing is perfect. His love is pure. And His plans are greater than anything you could imagine.

May God’s mercy and grace find you, His peace comfort you, and His truth transform your heart.