When Shepherds Wound: A Call for Healing, Truth, and Honor in the House of God

This is nothing new, but I want to bring it back to the surface: there are some men in church leadership who genuinely struggle with women. For some, the struggle is deep-rooted - stemming from unresolved issues with their mothers growing up. Others may have marital challenges and end up generalizing all women based on how they view their wives. Still others wrestle with disappointment or broken expectations when it comes to their own daughters, who fail to meet an image they once imagined.

Some men simply never had strong, healthy male role models to guide them. Left to themselves, they constructed their own beliefs and values about women - shaped by their feelings, isolated encounters, conversations with others, or something they happened to read. And not everything they absorbed was wrong, but certainly not everything was right. If right conclusions had been drawn, we would see far different outcomes when it comes to interactions between men and women in the church.

Some men in leadership use Scriptures such as “I suffer not a woman to teach” (1 Timothy 2:12) or “Adam was formed first, then Eve” (1 Timothy 2:13) to support conclusions that are both erroneous and egregious. And the truth is, many of those same leaders never had strong leadership examples to look to. “Strong” is subjective. If I had never tasted filet mignon and only ate Grade D meat all my life, I would believe Grade D meat was the best - until I tasted something greater. But even then, as Scripture teaches, “No one, after drinking old wine, immediately desires the new” (Luke 5:39). We tend to cling to what we are used to, even when something better has been revealed.

Still, we are responsible to measure all things against the Word of God. What did God say, and what did He mean by what He said? With all that said, none of this changes the reality that some men in leadership were once womanizers, or once despised the very idea of women in leadership. None of us are perfect. Every day we are striving to become more and more like Christ Jesus. It takes a radical transformation - one only the Holy Spirit can orchestrate - to change the human heart, which Scripture declares is “deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked” (Jeremiah 17:9). And even with the Holy Spirit, it takes continual confession and repentance as we “work out our own salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2:12).

We will not get it right 100% of the time. But as we grow in Christ, that percentage should increase. We should not still be like newborn babies living on the “milk of the Word” (1 Peter 2:2) if we’ve been in church for decades. If we are, then something is wrong with either the hearer, the proclaimer, or both. God’s Word is perfect, powerful, and always accomplishes what He sends it to do (Isaiah 55:11).

But when men in authority allow their flesh to shape their views of women, the results are predictable. Women become marginalized - labeled as nagging, picky, never satisfied, or “annoying.” You hear comments like, “Here comes Sister So-and-So,” accompanied by eye-rolling and the dismissal of your concern before you even speak. Yet these are the men ministering to us - the ones we are told to reverence as shepherds.

And this is especially painful because women outnumber men in most churches. We tithe, serve, cook, teach, volunteer, set up events, and often break them down as well.

If it becomes evident that a shepherd does not like or respect women, consider the example of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Look at how He interacted with Mary Magdalene, and with the sisters Mary and Martha. He loved them deeply, and each of these women ministered to Him in their own way - and He ministered to them. Even after His resurrection, it was the women who went to His tomb. They were the first to see Him alive. They were the first to run and declare the good news of His resurrection.

I pray for every leader who holds an erroneous view of women, and I pray for every woman who has been wounded by her shepherd. Know this: God sees you. And in His sight, you are loved, precious, and valued.

Prayer

Father God, in the name of Jesus, we lift up every heart - both leaders and women - who have been wounded, misunderstood, or misled. Lord, where there has been bias, confusion, or fleshly thinking, bring clarity, repentance, and transformation by Your Holy Spirit. Heal the places where women have been marginalized or dismissed. Restore their dignity, confidence, and joy. Strengthen every shepherd to lead with compassion, humility, and the heart of Christ. And for every woman carrying silent pain, remind her that she is loved, seen, and valued by You. Make Your Church a place of truth, honor, and mutual respect. Let the example of Jesus guide us all. 

In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen.