Where Are Our Older Role Models

So, this article does have an actual focus, but I need to get this out of the way first. I struggle with saying that I am a member of a church. The Body of Christ is the church, and although we are many members, we are one body (1 Corinthians 12:12). But usually, when people say they are “members of a church,” they mean that their names are on the roll - active or inactive - and, in my opinion, being on the roll grants a person access to certain things, such as having a place to hold a funeral. So I don’t call myself a member of a church; I am a member of the Body of Christ. And I do not “go to church” - I gather at a designated building where I, along with other members of the Body, fellowship and hear the Word of God preached so that we may be encouraged, corrected, convicted, and grow through the hearing of the Word.

Many years ago, I fellowshipped with a local body of believers where we had seasoned women who were considered “church mothers,” and younger women affectionately called each other “Sis.” These seasoned older women in Christ served as role models for some of the younger ones. And there were some older women who were not as spiritually mature, yet they still positioned themselves as role models for the younger women. I loved being around the real “church mothers” because I felt there was so much I could learn from them. The women who positioned themselves as mentors were usually middle-aged, and the ones who took their advice were often in their early to mid-twenties.

In my post titled “Called Out and Set Apart: My Journey from Emotion to Anointing,” I mentioned that when I look back at the sisters I found myself at the altar with Sunday after Sunday, their lives now remind me of a “Child Stars: Where Are They Now?” episode - the ones where the stars ended up on drugs, broke, or in jail. I can’t help but question the type of discipleship those younger women were receiving. Scripture says the Pharisees were blind guides who made others “twice the child of hell” as themselves (Matthew 23:15). When I think about these young women - who never experienced inner transformation, whose ministries never took off but stayed on the landing strip, who remained stagnant in their spiritual growth - I cannot help but think about the type of discipleship they received from blind guides disguised as older women.

Everybody is not qualified to be a mentor. Some people desire to mentor, yet they are so broken that they themselves are in desperate need of being mentored. If I’m broken, how on earth can I help you heal? If my life is a hot mess, how can I instruct anyone in the ways of order? Let’s get real: if I am a jealous, gossipy, insecure, prideful, backbiting, not-in-my-Word-enough older woman, I am not fit to mentor anyone. If I try, I will - as the Scripture says - make someone twice the child of hell as myself.

All those young women I fellowshipped with were prophe-lied to and led astray. They were each beautiful, and I question the sincerity of the older women whose intentions were not pure. Some older women try to live vicariously through the younger ones. And before someone thinks I’m writing from a place of bias, let me just say: I am a middle-aged woman. I have been on the receiving end of an older woman’s jealousy. I am in the Word enough, and I yield to the Spirit enough to discern jealousy and false motives.

Let’s keep it 100 - I’m trying to liberate some people. When an older woman sees a younger woman who is prettier, perkier, and more mentally adept (because having senior moments is real… I have a lot of them), if she is not careful and honest with herself, the green-eyed jealousy monster can creep in. That older woman may gravitate toward the younger woman not with genuine intentions - because jealousy will make you latch onto someone as well. “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer” is a real thing. And next thing you know, the younger woman thinks she has someone safe to confide in, while the older woman is only listening with ill motives and no genuine interest or investment in that young woman’s life.

If you are a younger woman, and an older woman has taken a “liking” to you, test the spirit by the Spirit (1 John 4:1). Is she pushing you to better yourself? Is she correcting you in love? Is she edifying you spiritually and wanting you to be better than she is? Or does she have a counterargument for everything you say? Is she loading your spirit with complaints instead of affirmations? Is her life something you could pattern your own after? Does she walk the talk - or just talk a lot? If it is the latter and not the former, run as far and as fast as you can. She was sent on assignment - but not to build you up. God sees the greatness in you, and the enemy sees it too. It doesn’t matter if she’s 86 years old and reminds you of your sweet great-grandmother. An 86-year-old woman can be jealous, too.

And the sad part is, as younger women in Christ, we need wise counsel from older women. Paul instructed Titus that the older women should teach the younger (Titus 2:3–5). It’s supposed to be a discipleship model. Where are our older role models? Younger women must pray for discernment.

As I find myself aging, I pray that God will allow me to age with grace and to be the kind of older woman in the life of a younger woman that I never had. God has given me a daughter, and when I look at her, I realize that she is a much prettier, smarter version of myself. One section of her 4C hair is four times the thickness of my own. Her smile is vibrant, and she is full of the love of our Heavenly Father. I know that as she grows older, many will be drawn to her because of the light of Christ within her, as well as her intelligence and beauty. My role as her steward is to protect her, instruct her in the Word, and equip her so that she may walk this Christian journey on her own - and be able to recognize a jealous wolf when one approaches.

I want to be that for younger women - not only for my daughter, but for any and all of my sisters in Christ. Sister, not everyone is worthy to be your mentor. Test the spirit by the Spirit, and most importantly, wait on God. If God is giving you a feeling that something isn’t right - even if the older woman is someone in your own family, or on your job, (and it happens)… listen to the leading of the Spirit.

God bless you, and may you find a true Naomi as you walk in your season as a Ruth. (Please read the Book of Ruth.)